The Preacher And The Bear

 

A preacher went out hunting,

Was on a Sunday morn;

Of course it was against his religion,

But he took a gun along.

He shot himself some quail

And one little measly hare,

But on his way returning home

He met a great big bear.

Well, the bear got down in the middle of the road,

On all fours like a great big toad;

He looked that preacher right square in the eye;

The preacher looked at him and said, "Bye, bye."

He started down the road, took out to run,

The bear right after that preacher did come;

They run, and then run for about a mile,

They both sat down and rested for awhile.

The preacher got up and stirred again,

The bear he started out with more vim,

They run and they run 'till he spotted a tree,

Said, "Up on the limb, there's a place for me."

The bear reached out, made a grab for him;

The preacher leaped up and made the limb,

Pulled himself up and turned about,

Cast his eyes to the skies and he did shout:

O Lord, you delivered Daniel from the lion's den,

Also delivered Jonah from the whale and then

The Hebrew children in the fiery furnace,

So the Good Book do declare,

Lord, if you can't help me,

For goodness sake don't help that bear!

Just about then the limb came loose

And the preacher came tumbling down.

He reached in his pocket and pulled his razor out

Just before he hit the ground.

He hit the ground with an awful bang;

It was a terrible sight,

The preacher and the bear, with the razor in his hair,

Just a-cutting left and right.

He thought, if I'd get out of here alive,

That Good Book I will abide;

I'll never sin on Sabbath Day,

And Sunday come I'll pray and pray.

To the Heavens he did glance,

Said, "Lord, just give me one more chance."

Then his suspenders gave away

And he knocked that bear ten feet away.

Got up and turned around

To a tree where he'd be safe and sound

Pulled himself up and turned about,

Cast his eyes to the skies and he did shout:

O Lord, you delivered Daniel from the lion's den,

Also delivered Jonah from the whale and then

The Hebrew children in the fiery furnace,

So the Good Book do declare,

Lord, if you can't help me,

For goodness sake don't help that bear!

"The Preacher and the Bear"
 By Joe Arzonia
Above image courtesy of the
Levy Sheet Music Collection/Johns Hopkins University