People may reject and abandoned us.
My husband of eight years left me at the beginning of my
fourth month of pregnancy. I have never felt more rejected, vulnerable,
or unloved. I was nauseated, tired, and constantly trying to explain
to my two year old son that Daddy wasn't coming back
home because he didn't love Mommy anymore.
Michigan's howling winter winds, which seemed to seep
through even brick walls, only added to my depression as I
hauled groceries and toddler up three flights of stairs. We had
just moved to Michigan from Virginia, and this was supposed to
be our temporary apartment while our house
in Virginia was being sold.
No house, no job, no husband, no church. Just an active little
boy asking heartbreaking questions, a stomach that gagged at
the thought of food, and an empty bed with sheets as cold
as the February winds.
Yet, somewhere, there was something else too. It was deep
inside my heart. It didn't feel overpowering or dramatic,
but it gave me courage to get up each morning and make it
through the day.
I knew that God loved me.
I wish I could say I laughed in the face of all adversity,
but I didn't. I sobbed into my pillow at night, then
lay awake unable to breathe through my nose,
wondering what would happen to me and my two babies.
I did more than wonder, though. I prayed. I prayed when I did
my grocery shopping, when I bathed little Matthew, and when I
strained over my ever-protruding belly to trim my toenails.
How reassuring it was for me in those lonely times
to read God's words:
"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."
I held on to those words when I felt totally abandoned, totally
alone. In those times, when I was willing to reach out to God
and His reassuring words, He faithfully held me up.
Thank You, Lord, for granting me strength to live
through difficult times. And thank You for holding me up,
especially in my most vulnerable moments.
"They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing."