"And the Lord spoke to Noah and said,
"In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth
is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind
of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an ark."
Noah's Ark
Zac Kinkade
And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an ark.
"Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have
the ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."
Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord
saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. And there was no ark.
"Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is the ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were
big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark construction project
and your plan didn't meet the code. I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans.
Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the ark
in my front yard. I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
Then I had problems getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban
on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and
Wildlife that I needed wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch any owls.
So, no owls.
"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a
settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would
pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat
and still no owls. Then I started gathering up the animals and got sued by
the animals rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete
the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
"They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the
conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map
of the proposed new flood plain. So I sent them a globe. Right now, I'm still
trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission over how many Croatians I'm suppose to hire.
"The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying
taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about
owing them some kind of tax. I really don't think I can finish the ark
for at least another five years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine.
A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up and smiled.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the earth? Noah asked hopefully.
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"
This story, which appeared in Blum's Farmer's And Planter's Almanac 2001 edition,
was sent in by Geneva Setzer from Hickory, North Carolina. It appeared in a
newspaper, the News-Topic in a column by Benjie Watts.
The original author is unknown.
Thoughts from the Bluestocking Redneck...
Although this story clearly resonates in the mind of the
modern reader, the real Noah, who was laughed at and ridiculed
for building the ark, was not only a man of remarkable faith,
but, he never let the words of his critics prevent him from
carrying out God's plan for his life.
Furthermore, no government entity or law of mankind, no matter
how well-intended, will ever usurp or prevent the will of God from coming forth.
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